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British Second Wives' Stories.
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(Names have been changed).
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Publishers: if you wish to publish
any of these stories, please
contact us.
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Naomi's Story
I've been with my partner for just
over five years and we have a daughter together. His son stays with us
alternate weekends and half the school holidays.
It has been a constant battle with his ex wife and, even though they've
been divorced for over eight years, she still tries everything she can to
upset our lives. She usually includes the children to get us where it
hurts. The latest is applying for a Court application again.
We generally go to Court once a year and the finances are getting to us.
This time his son is thirteen years old and has asked to come and live
with us much to his mothers disagreement. She moved up north early in the
year and my stepson has not adjusted well to his new life. She has decided
to get pregnant after saying she never wanted more children and has said
she wants a new life with her new husband, baby and son without his dad............read
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Erin's Story
I'm a second wife who hasn't yet (and
maybe won't) have a child with my husband. He has a very amicable
relationship with his ex-wife whose only thorn in my side is her
disorganisation which can affect my stepdaughter. I see the teenage years
ahead being a challenge and if I am totally honest, one which I do feel
concerned about.
I met my stepdaughter when she was three and a half and it was initiation
by fire for many years where I struggled to come to terms with all the
different roles I felt had suddenly been thrust upon me, having previously
been very very selfish and very very single! I wish I could relax more
even now but that is more to do with myself than anyone else I live with.
I find it really hard as a controlling person by nature to let go and
relax into this new and different family life............read
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Eve's Story
I'm 23 with a three and half year old
boy. I split with his dad in 2005 after four years and we remain civil for
my son's sake. Whilst I was with him, I was using a chat site and became
friends with a lovely man who I have known for over two years now. In
September 2005 we got together and we have been happy ever since. He was
in an unhappy marriage of 11 years and left her in June 2005. Ever since
she has done nothing but cause trouble for him and myself.
He is going through a divorce and all she does is delay it, challenge
every decision made by the Courts. In the meantime our bill for the
solicitors fees grow. I've never known of such poisonous behaviour, the
woman is so bitter, twisted and knows she can't stand the fact her ex
husband to be is in a very happy relationship. She is yet to find out
about my son, in the meantime I'm petrified of what she will do when she
does.............read
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Natasha's Story
Well, here goes, this is my
story.....I met my Husband around New Year 2006 and we immediately got on
well and he quickly proposed, I accepted and we married two months ago
with just my sister and brother in law as witnesses. I am 27 and this is
my second marriage, he is 32 and has never been married. My Husband has a
son to a previous relationship and I have no children. I stumbled upon The
BSWC after having difficulties in understanding the complex relationship
issues associated with children and parents who have parted and moved
on.....I must say I did not for one minute realise what a minefield it can
be!
My husband was with his ex girlfriend for five years and he bought his own
house at 18 and managed to pay for it leaving him free of a mortgage
before he met her. He asked her to move in with him after some years which
she did and lived with him for about a year............read
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Danielle's Story
I met my husband about two years ago
through a mutual friend. I had been divorced since early 2001 & he had
been from about the same time. Right from the start my three children, who
were aged 8, 7 & 5 loved him but that was not the case for me with his two
children who were 12 & 11. They seemed as though the resented the fact
their dad had made a new life for himself with me, although their mother
had done exactly the same & had a live-in boyfriend. They would much
rather see their dad on his own & at their beck & call of their mother
than in a new happy life with me & my kids.
His daughter, on a number of occasions, prompted by her mother made the
comment "You don't love us anymore, now you have your new family". It
became a regular occurrence that they didn't want to speak to him on the
phone & when he went down to visit them they would make sure they had
friends round so not to have to spend any time with him. He did make sure
he still kept the contact going but was met with a great deal of
resistance from his ex wife.............read
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Kayleigh's Story
Well, I'm married to a gorgeous man
who has two daughters whom I get on great with. Ii have boy and girl and
they're all very close in age so they get on fab (apart from usual petty
squabbles!)
We have always had problems with his exwife but it became worse after we
said we were getting married. She went totally nuts, lots of solicitors
letters, mental phone calls and texts, she even phones the police and lies
to them about us harassing her. My hubby will not even talk to her let
alone harass her!!
We are off to Court next week as we haven't seen kids in three months. She
says I cause problems for her kids, I call her, get my kids to make life
difficult for her kids (and we all want four kids at each others throats
every weekend, is she mad!!)
We ask if they can go on holiday with
us, she says yes then no then maybe then no, always no in the end, and she
doesn't think this effects the kids. Now she moving up north with her new
bloke and wants him to play dad to them and push my hubby completely out
the picture..............read
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Tilly's Story
When I first met my partner's ex wife
she was working for him still, based in his new home. She made every
effort on the few times we met to tell me what a bad husband and father he
had been. She attempted to tell me lots of negative things about their
relationship, but I just smiled and said things like, "yes but that's the
sort of thing most blokes do".
I tolerated it for awhile but when she realised her bad mouthing wasn't
putting me off dating her ex, she then started to tell me about how he
"doesn't fancy people as fat as you" or "he's still in love with me and
you're just the rebound girl". Eventually enough was enough when she rang
me up at my home and was really rude about me. I told my partner and he's
now put a stop to her contacting me face to face, by email or by phone..............read
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Alisha's Story
Having read several of your stories I
don't know if I am in a minority or not because you see I was 'the other
woman'.
My husband had been married for 39 years ...... separate bedrooms,
separate live ..... but still married and to make matters worse she knew
me. I have been told that when she found out she did say ..... well you
could have done better than her! I think I was one hell of a shock to all
his family as apparently I was his mid-life crisis but I love him so much
and I fought to keep him ..... she didn't.
She fought to keep his house, his furniture and a very large dollop of his
money and he is still paying through the nose every week too even though
she has her own pension and savings which include insurance polices that
he continued paying for her till she collected the money on them. She buys
state of the art televisions but we have one his sister didn't want! Now
this all sounds like we are at each others throats but that isn't so .....
she wants to be my buddy which I found very hard to accept but my husband
couldn't see why I didn't want to be round her house (that used to be
their house) all the time...............read
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Hollie's Story
My story is tragic as well as very
sad.
I met my present husband one night. I fell in love with him instantly, as
he with me. He told me in the beginning his kids would try to break us up.
With me being a positive person, I continued with the relationship. We got
on fabulously but the problems started immediately.
The two girls (full grown) started with every time they would come around
they would have messages from their mother such as 'happy birthday - I
remember how much fun we had when we were together'. She would also go to
his job late at night on the pretext one daughter needed dental work and
she had to have some money.
She takes every opportunity to butt in. She went to our granddaughters
graduation and when we sat down she squeezed herself in front of us so my
husband could could have a shot of her backside as she went by. She yelled
out as her daughter was getting her diploma, but no one saw her get her
diploma, they were looking for the idiot who was shouting!!..............read
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Zara's Story
I met my husband to be in 2003 at
work, we hit it off instantly and I got on with his daughter straight
away. He has a son too but I don't think he liked me very much! I already
have two children from a previous relationship and all the kids were of
similar ages. I fell pregnant almost straight away in September 2003 and
that is when the ex wife started playing games!
She must have phoned my partner at least 10 times the morning she found
out. What she didn't know is I was with my partner at the time so I knew
from then on she would be a problem! Thing is she had a partner also, they
would split up and she'd be on the phone or calling in at work crying
wanting my partner to drop everything including wanting him to go with her
to abroad because her partner didn't want to go anymore.
She made up lies to her family saying I shouted obscenities in the street
at the time I was with my partner but she insisted it was me and told the
kids I made her cry and I'm nasty!! My partner has never not paid for his
kids, sometimes it may be late but always paid. I have had her ranting at
me on my own doorstep saying she wants more money. She also walks into my
partner's work and embarrasses him in front of colleagues
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Maddison's Story
I met my husband to be in 2000 when I
was 16 and he was 30. We get married in 3 weeks. It wasn't just the age
gap myself and my family had to deal with it was his ex-wife and possibly
a child as well. My parents hit the roof but he treated me like a
princess, a real romantic, so I fell for him.
When I started to meet his family and friends they would always talk about
his ex-wife, how they saw her or do you remember when we did this
together? At the age of 16 I didn't want to be hearing this on top of my
parents trying to talk me out of it!
He was going through his divorce at the beginning of our relationship,
which was lovely (not) as I went to court with him to try and sort out
who's the child was. His ex-wife was having an affair with his best friend
when it was conceived but put my partner down on the birth certificate. My
partner says the child s not his and doesn't want anything to do with it
as when it was born he wasn't permitted to see it and was told it was born
by the ex-best fiend. He says she named him because they were still
married and didn't want to look bad. The ex-wife is now married to the
ex-best friend and he has adopted the child...............read
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Brooke's Story
I met my husband at his former marital home, while he was still with the
ex. My older daughter and his son were an item at the time, and I was
invited to a party on New Years Day. Nearly didn't go, as I had been
working during the holiday season and was rather washed. Made the effort
and went along if only for the good manners thing. He gave me and my
younger daughter a lift home that night, got indoors, went to bed and had
a good nights sleep, and got on with my life.
Two weeks later was having a quiet night in when a knock at the door and
didn't recognise the guy standing there asking me out. The nerve of the
man, I mean he was married, I was happily divorced with a job I enjoyed
and a fairly good social life. BUT, things snowballed, he divorced his ex,
moved in with me and the kids, his three visited often, and we wed just
over a year after we first met...............read
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Grace's Story
I am 41, and met my husband for the
first time just a few weeks after his (third) separation from his first
wife. Over the course of a year and half, while he divorced and I lived in
another country, we fell in love. I moved to be with him 3 years ago, and
we married last year. It seems to me many divorced dads have previously
been down the vasectomy road, and in my husband's case it was because he
simply did not want more children brought into a failing relationship,
there were long bad periods, and short kiss and make up periods...that
usually resulted in another baby. Not untypical, and now they have 3
children.
Our chances of having children are slim to nil, but I knew this and don't
resent it, although it makes me sad. His ex is not a "bad" person, but she
has some personal issues to contend with: a dreadful childhood with no
proper parenting, a curtailed education, and feeling trapped by her
circumstances. I do feel some empathy for her, and try to be fair but her
behaviours can be very, very difficult to rationalise and forgive, as I
truly feel that at some point you just have to grow up and take
responsibility for sorting yourself out................read
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Cerys's Story
I met my partner five years ago. I
love him but the start of our relationship was less than ideal, and it has
been an uphill struggle ever since. I had been separated for four months,
he for just three weeks!
At first, I thought we would help each other through a difficult time, but
it soon became clear we were falling for each other. His ex agreed to the
separation, and began a new relationship very quickly, too, but when she
decided she wanted him back, and it was too late, she was furious. I
became the reason for the split, and the reason why they couldn't be
together. She even suggested to others we had been having an affair for
years, and my youngest child is his!
There were times when she stopped him having contact with his children,
and stipulated I should not see them, even though she introduced the
children to more than one of her partners! She initiated divorce
proceedings and named me. I refused to be involved. She said it was the
only way they could get a quick divorce, so I signed. She then stopped
proceedings. I am sure she used the signed papers as "proof" that we were
having an affair. ...............read
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Tegan's Story
First let me say I am happy to have
stumbled upon The BSWC. I am not British, I moved here in July 2006 to be
with my partner, with the intention of getting married in October. He is
white and I'm black, but I don't believe in my heart this is a problem.
The thing is, he has a son 30 who is married, he also has a 10yr old
daughter, who seems to be causing some problems. We just returned from
holiday, but the holiday was a disaster, at least for me. The holiday was
all about the child, and being in a strange country, I had to go along
with it, but prayed everyday for the day to go home to come.
First of all, she totally controls her father, she is spoiled because she
gets everything she wants, she does not listen or obey anything he says,
it is her way or no way. If I have to speak to her about anything she is
doing wrong, she ends up denying it, trying desperately to make me look
like a fool. I would not stand for it and told him he needs to discipline
her and that she totally controls and plays him. Of course, he denies it................read
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Charlie's Story
I don't have the difficulty of
dealing with step children but I certainly have an ex-wife problem. I met
my fiancée two years ago and I thought I finally found my true companion.
However, I made the enormous mistake of moving into the home he bought
with his ex. I thought we were going to create "our" home but in every
closet, drawer, cupboard - there were items left behind whether it was an
I love you pillow, endless photos, or a cup with her face on it.
Fortunately, (and it might sound bitchy) she wasn't a beauty queen. But my
partner still describes her as a wonderful person with a great heart. So
why isn't he with her anymore?
He says they were never intimate and there was no passion. I don't think
guys lie about things like that but I do believe they had a very close
friendship because they were able to do so much together and share a
lifetime of memories. Moving on....my partner loses his job last November
because his company folded. Although he and his ex never had children,
they were married for seven years and so he has to pay her £1000 per
month. He already had to give her £100,000 because he made much more than
she did because of her career choices and she became "accustomed to the
lifestyle."
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