British Second Wives' Stories.
(Names have been changed).
 
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Jade's Story
 
I first started living with my husband in 1983. He had been married first for 18 months and second for 9 years. He had three daughters by the second marriage. I had been married first in 1966 which lasted for 16 years and had 3 sons of roughly the same age.

From the beginning his ex-wife claimed I had "stolen" her husband despite the fact it was a very unhappy marriage and he was the one to make a move. She was also a Catholic and maintained he was hers for ever. All this was relayed to the girls and for years I had a very difficult time.

I stuck it out and after five years she could no longer prevent the divorce and we married in 1987. The financial settlement was crippling, she got the house, maintenance for the three children, school fees and a third of our net income for herself........
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Niamh's Story
 
I met my partner when I was 14 and he was 20. He was my youth club leader! We loved each other at a distance, and although he knew how I felt, he never let on how he felt (would have caused too much damage with me being underage etc).

I moved away and we lost touch until 2003, when I contacted him through friends reunited. We became friends - both he and I, and his then wife and I.

We became closer after she gave him my mobile phone number, and she encouraged us to meet up - until the night before, when she went completely off her head!

We met up, and nothing happened apart from her screaming down the phone at both of us and her asking if I'd slept with him yet!........
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Isabel's Story
 
I first met my partner about nine years ago. He was happily with his girlfriend of the time, and they used to come down and visit his brother (a very good friend of mine) while we were at college. He and I were friendly, though I never really clicked with her, I found her a little odd and a bit cold.

Some years later, they had a child, a little girl who's now five. A short while after she was born they got married. They had moved to a foreign country and financially it made more sense than simply living together.

To cut a long story short, she had an affair a short while before they married, then continued it afterwards. After a few weeks he sensed something was wrong, she confessed, and he decided to leave her.

About a year after he had left, I bumped into him when we were out one night..........
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Beth's Story
 
I met my husband almost 13 years ago. He was separated with two girls aged 6 and 8. His wife had an affair and this was the main cause of the split. I had recently come out of a bad relationship, and was living with a friend as my property had been rented out. I had no children and had never been married.

When we first met, he was living with his friend who had kindly given him a roof over his head. His ex had him evicted from the marital home three days before Christmas, using false accusations of violence to secure an injunction. I never doubted he was not violent and did not believe her endless tales of beatings and threats. My now husband has never shown any signs of being violent, it must have been terrible for him to be handed an eviction notice from his own home...........
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Daisy's Story
 
From the stories I have read so far, my situation would seem to be rather unusual (and I'd love to hear from anyone else in The BSWC with similar experiences).

I am now 53 and I married my husband 2 and a half years ago. He is 62 and has 2 children by each of his previous wives. Since I met him seven years ago, I have got on well with his first wife's children who are grown up and leading their own lives. His younger two were living with their mother and visited us regularly. I didn't really enjoy their visits, although I put a smiling face on and accepted that it was necessary for them to have contact with their father.

I was always hugely relieved when they went home to their Mum and I could clean up their mess and get back to normal.............
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Ruby's Story
 
I met my partner at work, he was a buyer and I was an administrator although we worked 100 miles apart we were in touch over emails regularly and over time became close.

He was married to his wife of 19 years with two teenage children and I knew this and was quite happy just to have him as a friend. I had a 2 year old from a previous relationship. And there is a twelve year age gap.

After some time he was posted to my contract and asked if he could stay with me to save on his lodging costs. I was horrified...oh no a man messing up my house!! But I agreed as I didn't know how to say no and he came to stay mid-week.

Nothing happened, we were friends and I loved being single and independent.

Slowly I realised I loved him and he loved me. I am not a marriage breaker.............
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Phoebe's Story
 
Hi, I'm 53 with grown up children and three grandchildren, who I don't see a lot of as my daughter their Mother moved away when she had her first child. Unfortunately, when she was growing up I had two failed marriages and became a widow and also I was a single parent very poor I might add, as my previous husband who had passed away, and whose business I had invested all my savings in from my first marriage, (having sets aside money first for my children) left me absolutely penniless and bankrupt 3-times over. He was also very violent and I had run away several times, last time ending up in a refuge with my kids.

I had by this time exhausted the sympathies of my own family and they were slight weary of the SAGA, as myself and children were labelled! (no jokes about the poverty please, it was genuine, some ex-wives don't know they're living today as we well know).............
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Mia's Story
 
I have been with my partner for 18 months now. He has a six year old little boy who lives with us for half of the week. He wasn't married to his ex - but they had a long stormy relationship.

They were together 14 years in total. In that time she managed to get married to someone else, buy a house behind his back, sleep with someone every time she changed jobs, the list goes on and on.

I don't think the relationship was particularly happy - however she was his first love and I can understand that is very difficult to let go of. Once they had a child - his sense of duty and responsibility kept him where he was. She doted on the child and wanted more. However her idea of family life was the three of them confined within the walls of the house. She controlled the relationship between father and son, what they did, where they went etc. So - he didn't want any more..............
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Amber's Story
 
My ex husband and I separated over three years ago. He has has since become engaged and we all get on well, with our children (15 and 17) going to stay with them every other week (as we live close by they stay for the whole week with no disturbance of school etc).

I met my man nearly three years ago. He is a divorced (five years) father of two girls (9 and 14). At first everything seemed ok. We all got on. Then he (officially) moved in and I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. Since then the ex wife has become a complete horror!

When they first separated and divorced she was a problem - not letting him see the kids, etc..............
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Poppy's Story
 
When I met my husband in 2000, he was single and had been for over two years. He has two children and I was also single with two children. We met each others kids and they all got on great. They're all within one year in age apart.

The trouble with his ex started when we moved in together. I couldn't take them out without getting a solicitors letter, I wasn't allowed to discipline them with out a letter, (you get the idea). When we got married abroad in 2005, she wouldn't let the kids come even though we were paying for everything ,and we wanted them as bridesmaids. They begged her to come and she said no, and now they're missing from our wedding photos
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Evie's Story
 
I have been dating this guy now for just over seven months. We both had split from our partners only just two months before and both have children with our ex- partners. I have one child who lives with me and he has three children who live with him and this is where my problem starts.

His ex-partner suffered from bipolar depression and is now under control through tablets but due to this the children live with my partner as she was too unfit to have them. She is now well and is also dating someone else.

My problem is she comes around to my new partner's house (which is also still hers as her name is still on the deeds but she now lives in her own place with her new guy), every single day to see the kids
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Keira's Story
 
I am divorced with two grown up children. I consider myself to have no 'baggage' as such as I was married for 20 years and was happy for most of that time. I am now with a man who has been married twice before. The ending of his second marriage left him quite broken emotionally.

We got engaged after a year and planned to marry this summer but it appeared he got 'cold feet' and he cancelled it some months ago. He says it has just been postponed until he is ready but I don't think I would consider planning another wedding. We had everything virtually ready so it was a great shock. I had also planned to sell my property
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Bethany's Story
 
My husband left his first wife nearly six and a half years ago now. We had been friends for about a year before started seeing each other and there was definitely a mutual attraction there. I had been married before (with no children) but was single at the time.

He left at Christmas which is not really a good time but he did. He left her with their 10 year old son. He left because she could not stop drinking. She binged every night and became abusive then the final straw was when a large group of us went out for a friend's birthday. She started flirting and kissing a young lad in our group in front of all of us. My husband was obviously embarrassed and humiliated..............
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Jodie's Story
 
Wow, where do I begin?

I married a widower one year after his first wife's death and he has two girls. I moved into his home with my two girls. His home was on his deceased wife's father's property and no one accepted me and my children on her side of the family, after all they grew up together in this small town and dated since the 7th grade and were married for 13 years. She died in his arms at 33 years years of age due to cancer in this home. So many ugly things were said about me, and no one even knew me. We had to move or divorce it got so bad. We moved about 12 miles away and still have the other home. It is to go to his girls when they are 18...............
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Gemma's Story
 
I met my second husband through my best friend. He is her husband's brother, a few months after I split from my ex-husband. We have had problems from both sides, mine and his. I have two daughters, one is eleven the other ten years old, who live with us. My husband also has two daughters, one is fifteen, the other is nine, who live with their mother. Only recently my husband has had access to his youngest daughter after not seeing her for five months and having to fight in court, costing us a substantial amount of money in the process.

I hoped things would work out, but because his girls have never had any discipline..............
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Brooke's Story
 
I am so glad I found all of you! I thought I was alone with this Ex- Drama thing going on. What is up with these women? They don't want the man, yet they don't want anyone else to have them.

I am 46 years old and living with my 30 year old Fiancé. He has an ex from Hell. She must be bi-polar or something ! wow !

Now she birthed 3 children, only one of which is my fiancé's child but he raised, supported and loved all three like they are his own. She had the other two children during their relationship. She cheated on him. Lord forgive her...............
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