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I first met my partner about
nine years ago. He was happily with his girlfriend of the time, and they
used to come down and visit his brother (a very good friend of mine) while
we were at college. He and I were friendly, though I never really clicked
with her, I found her a little odd and a bit cold.
Some years later, they had a
child, a little girl who's now five. A short while after she was born they
got married. They had moved to a foreign country and financially it made
more sense than simply living together.
To cut a long story short,
she had an affair a short while before they married, then continued it
afterwards. After a few weeks he sensed something was wrong, she
confessed, and he decided to leave her.
About a year after he had
left, I bumped into him when we were out one night. We realised we really
fancied each other and by the next morning had realised we had found our
soul mates. Nothing other than kissing happened that night, which somehow
made it all the more special.
We were together for six
months during which time, his then wife (though they had separated) would
persistently call whenever we were together. It wasn't even for stuff
relating to their daughter. She needed her computer fixing, she needed
help with this and that. He felt continuously that if he wasn't 100%
compliant at all times that she would restrict access to his child. She
was already making it as difficult as possible. She was also making huge
efforts to win him back. She continuously phone my house phone, which I
had given to her so that she could call in case of any problems with their
daughter, but she utterly abused it.
I began to feel less and
less comfortable with the demands she placed on him, with the way he
rolled over and accepted it, and with the fact they hadn't yet started
divorce proceedings, so we parted company. I missed him dearly, he was my
soul mate, but he was too wrapped up in his world and trying to work it
all out to be able to give me what I needed which was not to feel number 3
after his ex and child.
We stayed in touch, and got
on with our lives. He without having fun, and sorting out his mess, and me
with having a few relationships with other people. After three years, I
met someone I really liked and decided to put the whole nightmare scenario
behind me. It was at the same time he got back in contact.
Again to cut a long story
short, we got back together. With his divorce two years behind him, both
of us having had some counselling to help clear our heads, and a rather
large leap of faith I decided I love him enough to cope with his baggage,
and have recently moved in with him so we can start our life together. I
get on really well with their daughter and think she's a lovely girl.
His baggage can be
incredibly annoying. She still lives abroad with her new partner and they
now have a child. We had a holiday with the child recently and she turned
up late to drop the child off, and early to pick her up. When she did pick
her up, she was evidently pretty uncomfortable, and flirted with my
partner. I continued to be polite with her. I can't see the point in bitch
fighting, but it did wind me up to a degree as it feels pretty
disrespectful.
We went on a day out, and
she decided to come along. Despite the fact it was our holiday, and an
activity she watched her do all the time! During the day, she was polite
enough, but pulled my partner aside to talk about something that clearly
she felt was private. She was asking about money, and something my partner
couldn't access at the time, and it was utterly unnecessary.
The other day she phoned to
ask for financial contribution to an out of school activity. In a matter
of days my partner is expected to stump up the cash for this, which is
fine, but it seems a little odd this is suddenly required within days.
When he quite reasonably said he would have a look at his account and see
where things stood, she suggested we bought one less ornament for our
house like she has to! This is coming from the woman who pays for a nanny
to look after her children, has a lovely house by all accounts, and drives
two very nice cars thank you very much!!
She has taken to phoning my
partner on his mobile rather than calling our house phone, which again I
find disrespectful. I feel sorry for her in a way as it is the last thing
she has any control over in his life. I'm not sure she's able to accept I
am a part in his life now, and she has very little influence over him at
all anymore.
I do sometimes find it hard
not to get annoyed with her. But I don't know she's always aware what
she's doing. I find it pretty sad she can't get on with her life with her
new partner and baby and let us get on with ours and keep interactions
straightforward. It would make all our lives so much easier, though we
sometimes laugh about how ridiculous she can be!
I really do hope that one
day she comes to the point where she can let her old relationship go, and
concentrate on her new one, show me, the woman who will spend a portion of
time looking out for her daughter and caring for her, a little respect,
and let us get on with our lives without her drama always being a feature.
